moving...

i was reminded yesterday in church about the necessity to remember we are citizens in the kingdom of our God and Lord and Savior no matter were we end up.

it also reminded me that we maybe limited in conversations, ministry, sight and touch... but, as we leave A.V.  and especially VCC we are still "members" abroad.  

dave mentioned that a "colony" represented the roman empire, citizenship, and if anything bad happened, any emergencies were needed... you could call up rome and they would come to rescue.  

so as i stood at the back of VCC and wrote our a prayer request for the prayer team/email list...  i knew that no matter were we may be... we can always communicate back to our "rome"  for help... spiritual, emotional, and probably physically also in the coming months/years. 

not to the exclusion of other churches... but valley is a special church for us... and we hope that we are (were) special to valley also.  it's good to know that you have a spiritual kingdom to call upon... and it is good to know that part of this kingdom is a physical one that is symbolically "VCC" (valley christian church)... to us. 

so, it becomes important to us to cling to this relationship... i am sure that we will find a couple churches to "regularly attend"...  but i am not sure when the moment will come to transfer a real membership (commitment to serve and be around) to any churches....

seeing that our "roles" in the kingdom are a'changin...

i am glad we have a "name" and can represent  Jesus and also Valley wherever we find ourselves.

...

...

yep.

sale.

nothing like a moving/rummage sale to put some of life in perspective.

i came across a project that i never finished during theprocess of packing stuff up today.
and pulled it from the "for sale" pile.

and it reminded me of a promise that i did not fulfill of camping several more times with the mrs. over the last two years (never visiting duluth, never walking in the headwaters of the mississippi, never trekking the black hills, never trout fishing in chatfield...etc).

so... symbolically i will take that old project and finish it... and make plans to go camping more.

=========
the moving sale was okay... the two big items (car and stereo) did not sell... but we have the gas money for our voyage to indiana.

that is a good thing.

pain.

today i was inspired. by "power90X" a new program... 90 days to a fitter, better you.
my brother in law may have his copy from last summer. so i figured... "what the heck, how about a mile run, and then walk back..."

that was an hour ago. a 10 minute mile... and a 40 minute walk back... and a HOT 15 minute shower. i am an idiot. i think i may be in the worse shape in my life--no kidding. it kinda serves as a good analogy of my spiritual and emotional (and also mental) life as well. i was doing some great exercise... and plateaued (after marriage, and seminary, and then india, and 2 years at valley). many can explain away differences as growth. i fell into that lie also. the muscle that was in my biceps and triceps is 1/2 of what it was 8 years ago... but it only seems 10% less (or so i tell myself that).. i will make friends along the way of course (i tell myself).... i am studying for worship on sundays and wednesday nights so i am in the word... i will start exercising after a senior minister arrives... and so the justification, ignorance, listlessness and dead man of old rear up again....

boy was i in pain today. i don't know if i have a pinched nerve or if it was a back spams (note: not spasms plural, but one solid, rock hard, spasm for 30 minutes). i was so close to just hitchin' it for 1/2 mile home... and for some reason i was listening to the "firside" songs on my iPOD. "we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed" "I press on.." etc. as if i needed a reminder of stupidity and that is isolates us to were the Lord cares the most for us, and chuckles at us, and comforts us, and (in reality) DOESN'T stop the spam(s). doesn't stop the pain. doesn't water down the shame...

... but also doesn't leave either. i knew he was there, with me, and that the Holy Spirit was gettin his fill of "groans" that words cannot describe in order to intercess with.

there are many reasons for this change in our life... but there is a shame also. a shame of puting myself out there, squeezing the most out of me. and not really making me a priority. how easily my "days away" during my first year became a dreaming day with looney, lunch with friends and catching up in the afternoon. how easily one can sleep in till 8pm, 9pm and come into work after a shower having not read for himself, written encouraging emails, prayers and sharing the morning with his life partners...

how easily we are emotionally, spiritually, physically and pyschologically unplugging ourselves to whatever "reality show" is in our path (weather TV, or a friends life, etc). instead of striving for more, we are content to watch the lives of others on TV with a bowl of pop corn in one hand and ice cream in the other.

so, no big fireworks. no declarations of war. i am in a low spot, not depressed, but empty and in need of refueling. and i find that i am as dependent on Jesus for this living water as i was for the water of renewal in the beginning. and i say, i believe lord... help me with my unbelief.

... oh the freedom to be able to say that to the maker of heaven and earth, and not cower in the corner in fear of his temper, his angst, his wrath. i think that honesty in the King's throne room only serves to underscore the confidence of one's relationship with the king.

it maybe painful, but he is still at my side, and calls me to his side, calls me by name.... i know of no other feeling as pure, sweet and innocent. freedom.

perhaps pain is the cobblestone road that leads to the rusty old cast iron gate of freedom. few are they that can walk with this pain.. few are they with the energy to swing open the gate...but what a smell, what perfect grass, what peaceful sounds...

.. what freedom.

...because

i got to thinking today... which can be dangerous sometimes.

most of the greatest stories, greatest lives, greatest _____ (you fill it in) are wrapped up in pain, in sadness, in mistakes, in regrets. i am not sure if perfection means perfection. the BIBLE says we are to be perfect in many ways. one of those words actually means "complete" or "fully mature". i wonder if that is the perfect life one should strive for.

GOD doesn't wish for calamity on us, he doesn't force us to sin, he doesn't rejoice in divorce, addiction, buried anger, dishonest hearts... however, i wonder if he has a great amount of joy in taking a person from a ditch to 2nd in command of egypt? it would seem to me that GOD is wonderful in our obedience, and we are saved from so much pain. but, even when we are rebellious, or suffer from another's rebellion towards GOD -- i tend to see in scripture that GOD is a great FATHER and will rise to the occasion to make himself known and his name to be great through your life... in your life.

...in my life.

perhaps we would do better to remember the faithfulness, mighty hand and grace of our loving GOD and when we meet people in hurting circumstances -- we must first find the hope of 10 years down the road (what could happen, what GOD wishes to do for them) -- and then help them see that hope as well. it is a pitiful thing to ingore mistakes and "elephants" in the room at a funeral, it is a beautiful thing to recognize them and look past them... and see the hand of a mighty GOD who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty in the ashes of our mistakes and muddy in the dirt of our sins.

so, here is a "glory to GOD in the highest" from me today. i sure am glad that he is here. i sure am glad for hope. and i sure am glad for my wife to be here with me. if this is joy -- i'll take seconds!