It has to do with a project 86 song that is raw, heavy, screaming and true.
The lyrics are below. It basically talks about what we are longing to see again... what we have lost.
Innocence. i have forgiveness, and i am no longer in fear of punishment -it has already been given to Jesus. But there is a former "old josh" (what Paul cause the "old man" - the FLESH)... the realm of sin, the Dominion of slavery and rebellion that i once lived in.. and find myself drifting in those former neighborhoods sometimes.
it is an aching. a desire. a freedom i long for.
i was talking with my boss on the way home from work today about heaven... if there will be fishing there. etc. but really God has been speaking to my heart about my heart lately... how it needs to be totally his... given over to him for honor, and worship... but also for protection. Jesus knows how to handle my heart, he will guard it... (read: the Holy Spirit also here). But i seem to think i can handle my heart... my will... my desire.. somehow i forget that we have these "training wheels" till we die.
and this is the longing and freedom i await for...
it has been said "theologically" in church history that DEATH came into the world in 3 form after the fall.
- the SOUL died immediately (separation from God)
- the SPIRIT died progressively (loosing our will, our desires, our wills became set against truth)
- the BODY died eventually (death was a mercy judgement in view on an eternity of #1 and #2)
And it has been said that we are transformed in Christ
- the SOUL is saved immediately (Salvation -, saved, alive again)
- the SPIRIT is saved progressively (Sanctification - becoming holy )
- the BODY will be saved eventually (Glorification - a Resurrection body)
It is #3 that i long for...
it is the daily grind of sin, of being an enemy of sin, of battling and warring in my soul, my spirit, my body... that i hate...
and so this "eye" on my blog is the reminder that the sacrifice is finished at Calvary, though I am not. The name stamped on my soul is Jesus - though my body is not yet like his.
and i find myself, longing, yearning, pleading to be set free.
SIN. it is ugly. EVIL. it is rebellion. DEATH. it is still the enemy, but conquered.
EVEN SO, COME LORD JESUS!
(if you have a chance to listen to this song on the Internet... or a friend... please do!)
==========================="PS" - bold italics mine
Her heart bleeds...
It is a basis for your heartfelt hunger so gaze
At the page at the faces of nameless...
You're alone again
And this distortion is an apt replacement for
An unquenchable desire for more
More pages strewn across this sickening floor
I can't look at this
I can't look at you
I can't look at me
Who cares
If they saw what those eyes have seen.....
Oh how her heart it would bleed
If she only knew those abusive roots
And how the children would weep
If they only saw what those eyes have seen
It always keeps us longer than we wanted to stay
It always takes us further than we wanted to go
But you don't seem to mind at the time
Begging to be set free...
From what we were meant to be.
Innocence
It's inside you and your soul is longing,
Yearning
Pleading to be set free
Within your eyes,
Within my eyes,
Within our eyes
There could never be a more complete perversion of what we were meant to be
And with all that is in me I hate this
As we're sinking inside this ever-feeding illness
We are all quite silent
Sitting still.
"PS" - from Drawing Black Lines (P86's sophomore album)
==========
I hope you understand me a little more now... if only a little more.
(what is true? what is real? NOT what you feel, but you know eternally?)
1 comment:
After looking through your blog I am curious as to how and why you lost your job. Could it have been related to your old testament armed Christian attitudes and prejudices. Or was it the right wing nutjob attitudes from the likes of your listed blogs and sources? Perhaps you need to grow into the love of Jesus for humanity that you claim to espouse.
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